11.5.09

You like to sit by the window at lunch. You sit there, cross-legged, and watch people in the courtyard below. You always have the same lunch: a turkey sandwich on a hoagie roll, extra mustard, and a plastic bag of mini carrots. Sometimes, like today, you have a few pieces of candy. But you never eat them. You just set them out on top of your brown paper bag, eat your sandwich and carrots, and then watch the people. You never speak to anyone, or go anywhere else. Every single day…you are there.

---------------------

Ryan finally stopped running when he got to the broken bench in the park. Chest heaving, he stood and stared at the crooked plank and the holes from missing bolts. Disappointment was something he knew well, but for some reason this still hurt. He sat down on the bench and covered his face with his hands. Head pounding, heart racing, and legs burning, Ryan wept for the first time in so many years. His father had been right. In the end, everyone leaves. Even the people who say they love you. Through the steady thump thump filling his ears, Ryan heard a soft tumbling of rocks. It sounded a lot like the sound of the small gravel path meeting with the concrete. There was only one person he knew who used that path, and with one last tremble of fragile hope he looked up. It was her. She looked just like he remembered, only somehow more beautiful. The sun was just starting to rise and the chilly morning air turned her cheeks and nose a healthy pink. Her flaming red hair was tousled and filled with brambles, but still those curls fell down her back like an ocean wave. Her brown eyes were rimmed with tears, but there was a happiness in them. There always was that dancing light. It was why he’d fallen in love with her in the first place. He stared at her for a moment, and then launched himself from where he sat and pulled her into his arms. She wiped the tears from his face and grinned, poking his nose. Then, he kissed her.

Seanquita!!!

My creepyrainbowcrocheted monkey, Seanquita's
Unique
Who stares me down
With magnificent, monstrous
Eyes
AndatnightwhenI'mtryingtosleepIswearhemoves!!!
Scary.
But I love that silly animal
And what I want to know is
Would you like to meet him?

Thinking about LIFE and DEATH....

I find it interesting that people are afraid of death, but are also afraid of life. People fear death because of life ending and what will not happen. However, people fear life because of what will happen. Every choice is made through some sort of anxiety of what will happen if you do the opposite.


I do not fear either. Because I live life experiencing everything that comes my way, and therefore I know that when I die, whenever that may be, I will have experienced all I could and I will die in peace.


To live is to experience everything that comes before you to experience.
To die is to have experienced all that you could have experienced.

There is no greater hell to me than to die without really living.

When I die, whenever that may be, I want to know that I loved without shame.
I want to know that I tried every kind of food at least once.
I want to be sure that someone, if only one, knew everything about me.
I want to have loved someone with everything I am and that that person knew it.
I will not die until I have given someone everything.
I will not die until I have finished my story
Until I have created for myself a happily ever after,
However it may be

I live to love
I live to experience
I live for beauty
I live for the little things
I live to be happy
I live for peace
I live insanely
I live passionately
I live where the wild things are
I live in the world
I live lovingly
I live crazily
I live so that others will follow
I live because dying would prove nothing.

I'm not sure what to call these, but I like them.:]

There is a magic to this song, a dream-like escape, a wonderful soothing ring, a joyful listening leap, a beautiful kissable intensity, a little wish that comes true.


There is a dream, and this dream fills my mind whether asleep or awake. It is a dream that is as soft as a feather pillow, yet slices through me as a sword. It bleeds it way into reality when I step outside. It kisses my lips with angel’s breath and devil’s laugh. It is my own personal nightmare, filled with comfort and wonder. And when I think it is finally away, you wrap those arms around me and I find before me another fall.

There is pink on me. It wraps all around. I am a delectable piece of candy. A sweet, sugary sensation that stimulates salivation. Scrumptous, silent, and smiling, I sit with pink on me.

I had love but no one to love, everything to fear but I was not afraid, dreamless sleep but no rest.

I had desire but no love, desire but no love, love but no lover, love but no lover, love but no lover.

I had dreams but no time to fulfill them, 0pinions but no knowledge to support them, fear but still I ran into it.

Listening

I am listening.

I am listening
to the wind.

I am listening
to the wind
as if it were voices.

I am listening
to the wind.
As if it were voices,
it speaks to me.

I am listening
to the wind.
As if it were voices,
it speaks to me
about the world.